Lent Day 7

Tonight was one of the nights where I felt completely out of my depth. On Tuesday nights Su and I go down to something called 'meeting place', which is a drop-in evening meal at one of the churches in town. We give out free soup, sing a few old hymns, pray and have a meal together, but mostly we just chat to people. I say chat, but it's mostly about listening. Often the evening passes without event, and a pleasant time is had by all, but now and again things tend to get a bit chaotic. A few too many people get in with a few too many drinks inside them and things feel like they could kick off at any minute. They rarely do, but it can be a bit fraying on the nerves. Thankfully, we have a good team and we often sense God's presence helping us along. Every now and then I get a real glimpse of the brokenness of some of the lives there. Just tonight a talked to an alcoholic who was sexually abused as a child and is now suicidal, a homeless guy who was in tears 'cos he doesn't know where to turn to next, several others who have lost loved ones recently. The sense of pain was tangeable. I have a part of me that wants to 'fix' things, to sort people out, so I often get frustrated at not being able to do more, say the right thing, pray the right prayer. I so badly want to minister the love of God to these people, but it often feel like we are just applying a band-aid.
Jesus, equip me to be a real minister of your good news, to love in actions and not just words, to see people with your eyes, to have faith to pray, and wisdom to know how to deal with messed up people in a way which will make them depend on you.
Amen

Lent Day 6

Well I made it through the whole Ikea experience, and only lost the will to live for a short while. Poor Su had to spend longer at the store than we had planned. By the time we'd filled up our car with flat-pack book shelves there was no room left for passengers. I had to do the 3/4 hour journey back to Coventry, unload the car, then go back and pick her up. Imagine that, stranded at Ikea on Valentines day. We then went and watched A Very Long Engagement which was very beautiful and romantic, and er.. French.
A good discussion about prayer over at coventry vineyard's blog

Lent Day 5

How not to lead sung worship.
1. Turn up to church late, and a bit stressed.
2. Rush around trying to find microphone stands and lecturns etc.
3. Forget the words and chords to one of the songs you're intending to play, hence having to scribble them down a few minutes before the start. Get more stressed
4. Make sure you don't get time to pray before the service begins.
5. Ensure the microphone stand gets moved around until it is in a position where if you are singing into it, you can't quite see the words/chords.
6. Have the PA turned up nice and loud so you can hear your guitar strumming right in your ear but can't quite hear yourself sing
7. Get quite enthusiastic with your strumming, snap a string. Get incredibly stressed.
8. Continue to play and sing, never quite working out which string has gone, and hense hitting as many duff notes as possible. (see 6)
9. Take your eyes off God, 'cos it's all about looking good after all isn't it :)
10. Try to retain some semblance of piety while in your head you are picturing yourself doing this with your guitar :

or maybe this :


11. Pray to God that the ground will open up and swallow you.
12. Snap at your pastor when he asks you to put on some chilled out music later on in the service and then doesn't like your choice.
13. Go home in a foul mood.

ever have one of those 'church' mornings?
This evening we had an awesome bible study on Hebrews. 'For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are.' Thankyou Lord, I need your mercy and grace, forgive me for being such a muppet.

Lent Day 4

Just been out for a meal for Nick's birthday at a Lebanese restaurant called Habibi. It was very good, but we ate late, and now I'm absolutely stuffed. Spent most of the day doing the reading for my next essay - Discuss the meaning of 'son of man' for the original readers of Daniel. Should be an interesting one. 'Reading' week next week so I'm hoping to get a fair amount of work done. Su is off work as well so there'll be no slacking allowed. I think we may do some decorating as well. This means we have to go to the dreaded Ikea on Monday. Hopefully I won't get crushed or even stabbed.

Lent Day 3

Just watched the Michael Mann thriller collateral. It was pretty cool I guess. It was interesting to see Tom Cruise as a bad-ass hitman. So what's happened today? This morning I had a pretty interesting lecture in our Christianity and Secular Thought module about miracles. We have covered the whole Hume 'miracles don't happen' thing, and today we we're looking at Tillich. Tillich, and many other liberals, in reaction to the view of God as a usually absent Diety who occasionally intervenes in the world to tweek it, saw God as within the cosmos. He redefines miracles as sign-events, which cause no disruption to the laws of nature, but are basically in the eye of the beholder. I guess in reaction to this, many conservatives still hold to the supernaturalist view of God who arbitrarily intervenes in ways we cannot explain which we then call miracles. The truth is, as so often it would seem to me, a both-and. God is involved in the everyday laws of nature, upholding all things, underpinning them. But He is also free to interact with humanity in surprising ways, which may be seen to violate but not destroy the laws of nature. We must be careful of a God-of-the-gaps attititude, whereby things that can be explained by science are not attributed to God and everything else is, but there are more things in heaven an earth than Hume will allow for. Anyway...
this afternoon I worked at Wesley-Owen which is always a strange experience. Listened to some Christian death metal. Latest in the Jesus junk line is the 'Chicken Soup for the Soul' study bible...genius.
Oh yeah, why not send Mandy a letter, courtesy of Christian Aid. Just fill in your name, print out, sign and post.

Lent Day 2

Ok, so I'll give this daily blogging thing a go, and see how long it lasts. I have added a couple of new links to my blog, the New Testament Gateway which is probably the most comprehensive website around for NT scholarship. It is the work of Mark Goodacre at Birmingham University who is supervising the PhD of the guy who is teaching the gospel of John module I'm currently studying, and the Paul page which is dedicated to the 'new perpective' on Paul which I may blog about at some point. I have also been enjoying read the world of sven blog. This guy seems to be studying theology somewhere, and he is incredibly articulate and very funny. Although the poor guy is currently not very well.
Had an old friend round for tea tonight. He's going though a bit of a tough time at the moment, so I cooked him a curry. He asked me what he should do with his life, so I told him he should start following Jesus to which he replied, 'why where's he going? is he going down the pub on Saturday to watch the rugby?' :)

Ash Wednesday

Well today is Ash Wednesday and the start of Lent. We did pancakes a day late with our housegroup tonight as we were out last night. I only managed 5 pancakes, which is quite frankly pathetic. Hayley ate about 12, but then she bounced out of our house on a sugar high which is probably going to get her arrested. It was Pete and Hayley's last night at our housegroup as we are planting them out to start a new group next week which is quite exciting.
This lent Su and I will be mostly...not watching TV, praying together nightly, and I think I'm going to read through the gospel of John. Suzy said I should give up blogging, but I said that was going too far:) Then I was thinking, maybe as a discipline I could actually try and write a blog each day for 40 days! (so expect a significant dip in quality, if that were possible)(although thinking about it, this may turn into yet another essay avoiding technique, so may not be wise). It's interesting how many Christians in non-traditional churches seem to be up for using lent as a season of focusing/fasting/slowing or whatever these days. Just found out my parents are doing '40 days of purpose' at a Pentecostal church in Bedworth. Life is weird.
I'm about half way through my dissertation now, and I'm going to give in a (very) rough first draft on Friday to check I'm not completely barking up the wrong tree. I do seem to be the world's slowest writer, today I wrote about 2 paragraphs all day, and I was really trying!
Well, it's getting late, so I'm just going to treat myself to a new Tom Wright article then it's off to bed.

Jamie's First Birthday

Hardly seems like a year ago since our nephew Jamie was born, but this weekend was the anniversary of that snowy night when Birmingham was gridlocked with traffic and we wondered if Rachel would be able to get to the hospital or not. On Friday night we went down to Truro in Cornwall where they now live. It was great to see them settling in to their new place. When we got there on Friday night, Mum was feeling a bit poorly. Turns out she had some strange stomach bug which proceeded to spread to Rachel, Karl, Jamie, Dad and me over the course of the weekend. Much puking and pooing ensued! Su managed somehow to escape it though. We still had a nice weekend, managing to go for a walk on the beach and pay a visit to a small fishing village, but a lot of the weekend was spent huddled in the living room under duvets. It was so strange seeing Jamie ill. He slept virtually all day on Sunday, and when he was awake he was very floppy and quiet. He didn't even want to play wind the bobbin up!
We're all feeling much better now, and I'm looking forward to going down to the Vineyard Pastor's Conference tomorrow.

On Being A Disciple

More from transforming mission:
'For Matthew, then, being a disciple means living out the teachings of Jesus, which the evangelist has recorded in great detail in his gospel. It is unthinkable to divorce the Christian life of love and justice from being a disciple. Discipleship involves a commitment to God's reign, to justice and love, and to obedience to the entire will of God. Mission is not narrowed down to an activity of making individuals new creatures, of providing them with "blessed assurance" so that, come what may, they will be "eternally saved". Mission involves, from the beginning and as a matter of course, making new believers sensitive to the needs of others, opening their eyes and hearts to recognise injustice, suffering, oppression, and the plight of those who have fallen by the wayside. It is unjustifiable to regard the "Great Commission" as being concerned primarily with "evangelism" and the Great Commandment" as referring to "social involvement". As Jacques Matthey puts it,

"According to Matthew's "Great Commission", it is not possible to make disciples without telling them to practice God's call of justice for the poor. The love commandment, which is the basis for the church's involvement in politics, is an integral part of the mission commandment."

To become a disciple means a decisive and irrevocable turning to both God and neighbour. What follows from there is a journey which, in fact, never ends in this life, a journey of continually discovering new dimensions of loving God and neighbour, as "the reign of God and his justice" are increasingly revealed in the life of the disciple.

college life

As I enter the final 6 months of my degree, I find myself trying to focus on my college work, trying to reduce my church commitments, looking for a job and failing at all three. I'm getting there though - 2 essays down, 3 to go, plus a dissertation and 5 exams. As part of my dissertation reading I picked up transforming mission by David Bosch. It's one that's been on the list for a long time, but I've only just got round to getting it. Now, the sensible thing to do would be to skim through and find the relevant bits for my work, get the quotes and move on. I, however, find this virtually impossible to do. I read the introduction, and couldn't put it down. I'm now working my way through the entire book, and finding it fascinating. This is why it takes me ages to write an essay. (well, that and the internet). Anyway, here' a bit about the early Christians which struck me :

'Christians-so we read in the second century Letter to Diognetus are not distinguished from the rest of humankind as regards their speech, their customs, and where they live. There remains a critical distance between them and reality around them, however. They are kept in the world as in a prison-house, and yet they are the ones who hold the world together.
The way in which they held the world together was, preeminently, through their practice of love and service to all. Harnack devotes an entire chapter of his book on the mission and expansion of the early church to what he calls "the gospel of love and charity". Through meticulous research he pieced together a remarkable picture of the early Christians' involvement with the poor, orphans, widows, the sick, mine-workers, prisoners, slaves, and travellers. "The new language on the lips of Christians", he summarizes, " was the language of love. But it was more than a language, it was a thing of power and action". This was a "social gospel" in the very best sense of the word and was practised not as a strategem to lure outsiders to the church but simply as a natural expression of faith in Christ.' (p48f)

Pixar do it again

As a bit of light relief we went to see The Incredibles the other night. Wow! what a movie. I'd say it's probably the best computer animated movie to date. Better than Shrek? yes. Better than Toy Story? yes Better than Finding Nemo? yes. The combination of x-men and james bond (and lots of other movie tributes) with unbelievable animation, amazing action, ridiculously over the top gadgets, and (unlike a lot of these things) it's actually funny. Go see it! now. Or at least go and watch a clip -

Good Ole Gordon

Gordon Brown was excellent on the today programme this morning. He is leading the call to put a hold on IMF/world bank debt repayments for the countires affected by the tsunami. This could amount to as much as $3billion dollars in a year, which makes the pledged aid so far (vital as it is) look like small change. Of course, this is only a start, and hopefully a stepping stone to significant debt write offs.
He said the time has come when the West should not be choosing between aid and dealing with the underlying causes of poverty but doing both.
Get your white band on Gordon!

2005!

Happy New Year to anyone who happens to be reading,
It looks like 2005 is going to be a really big year for trade justice campaigning. With the UK hosting the G8 summit and also holding the EU presidency, there is going to loads of stuff going on, especially in April when there is a global week of action. There seems to be a real sense that the tide could begin to turn this year in the fight against poverty.
Most prominent seems to be the make poverty history campaign that Christian Aid and others are running. Thanks once againg to steve for some very informative and practical posts.
I have been reading a book which su bought me for Christmas called IOU which I would recommend to anyone who wants to gen up on all the issues involved in global debt (without requiring an economics degree).
I remember being involved in the jubilee 2000 ring in Birmingham and it was really exciting to be part of, but only really a beginning. I have taken my eyes of the issues over the last couple of years I'm sad to say, but my prayer and new years resolution is to make this a year of campaigning and awareness for debt and poverty reduction.
I'm quite excited!
Lord let your kingdom of justice come, your will be done on earth, in 2005, as it is in heaven.
Amen

why?

This must be the question on every person of faith's lips at this time. As the tsunami death toll rises above 60,000 and looks set to continue to rise, it is impossible to take in the pictures we see on the television. We don't understand.
Either God is in control, in which case how can He have let this happen? or He isn't in control. I'm not sure which thought is scarier.
Yesterday, as we were travelling between in-laws for Christmas visits, we got stuck in the M25 traffic. It was stop-start for miles, and I'd eaten a big lunch before we left. With no warning, I must have nodded off, only to be woken by the crunch of our bumper as it crashed into the car in front. Thankfully, no one was hurt, but it was a bit of a shock. As I watched the devestation in SE Asia on the television last night, I couldn't stop the blasphemous thought going through my head - did God fall asleep?
Thanks to steve for posting ways to help.
Lord have mercy, help us to help in real ways, with our prayers, and our pockets.
Amen

My Sentiments Exactly

Haven't commented on the result of the U.S. election yet (ok, I'm a bit slow at commenting on anything at the moment), but I just loved this quote from my favourite bishop :

'Can I add one more thing, conscious that an election has just taken place in America and that many in my country were surprised as well as alarmed by the result?  I take the view that whatever we wanted to happen, even if we think that this is a terrible result, even that puts us in the position of the children of Israel in Babylon commanded to pray for the peace of the city where they were held captive.  More positively, I want to say to George W Bush and those who help him run the world: OK, fine, you have a world empire.  We had one of those and we have spent a century counting the cost of it.  You have a world empire with a strongly Christian flavour in the vote that sustained it.  We had one of those (though not always the same type of Christianity that many in America now embrace, but never mind); and we learned, painfully enough, the deep ambiguities of thinking that in bringing Christ to the world we could ignore the things that were being done in his name.  More to the point, the idea of a Christian empire came to first embodiment under Constantine, whom most Americans (if they’ve heard of him) learn early in life to reject, partly because it reminds them of George III sending bishops to the colonies.  For generations now people have criticized Constantine and his empire. If you now have a Christian Empire, could you perhaps begin to think about how to avoid the mistakes both of Constantine and of Victorian England, and about how to get it right this time?'


good question, Tom

Psyched Out

Aaagh! Ok, so it's been a while! What can I say? I've been busy. Or perhaps I just haven't had much to say. I 've been reading blogs most days, but haven't been inspired to write. Anyway, now I'm in the middle of trying to write an essay, so it's an ideal time, right?
I'm up to my eyeballs in a ridiculously titled human behaviour essay. I'm somehow trying to give an overview of the psychodynamic (inc. Freud and Jung), behavioural (Pavlov, Skinner etc), and humanistic (Rogers, Maslow) schools of psychology, along with the strengths and weaknesses of each and a 'Christian' appraisal (as if there was any one Christian view on all this stuff), all within 2000 words. Oh dear, I've already written over 2000 words, and I'm less than a third of the way through!

Came across this pretty amazing quote from Calvin :
'Our wisdom, in so far as it ought to be deemed true and solid wisdom, consists entirely of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves. But as these are connected together by many ties, it is not easy to determine which of the two precedes, and gives birth to the other. For, in the first place, no man can survey himself without forthwith turning his thoughts toward God in whom he lives and moves...On the other hand, it is evident that man never attains to a true self-knowledge until he has previously contemplated the face of God, and come down after such contemplation to look into himself.'
-Institutes of the Christian Religion (1.1.1-2)

Decisions, decisions

Indecision can be a horrible thing, and I've had a summer full of it. At the end of June, I finished 2 years of bible college, coming out with a quite respectable diploma in theology.
I originally embarked upon the course, partly because I found God had put a passion in my heart to study his word and theology, partly because I was starting to get more involved at Coventry Vineyard, doing bits of teaching, leading small groups etc, and partly because I was sick of software engineering and an opportunity to get out of it via a voluntary redundancy package had come up.
I had a fantastic first year, which was very much a survey of the whole bible, along with modules in pastoral theology, missions, evangelism and lots of other fun stuff. Some of it was new to me, some I already knew, and some parts were downright frustrating, but on the whole I enjoyed it and I was hungry for more.
So, I started the second year. This felt like a real privilege. Su was so supportive. I had a bursary from The Jerusalem trust (from one branch of the Sainbury's family), and combined with a house remortgage, I was able to pay the fees. The work was more in depth, and more interesting. I especially enjoyed Pauline theology and anything by the NT lecturer Dr. Moxon. (some of my fellow students found this stuff mind-bogglingly difficult, but I relished every minute)
All the time I had a growing sense of wanting to be able to teach this stuff, and pastor people, helping them to grow as disciples. Dare I possibly believe that God might be calling me into this role? But I had, (and still have) questions : did I really believe in paid ministry? doesn't this perpetuate a clergy/laity divide? aren't we all 'full-time' for the kingdom? do I really want to deal with the pressure and the problems and the people and the pain? if I was to do this stuff 'for a living', when and where will it be? and what job should I do in the mean-time?
The plan was, to finish the second year, get my diploma, get a proper job, see what develops at Coventry Vineyard and await further instructions. It crossed my mind that it might be nice to finish off the degree, but I quickly wrote this off as a purely selfish notion.
Trouble was, towards the end of the second year, some of my lecturers, and in particular the college principal, Dr. Massey, started to suggest that it might be a good idea for me to do the third year. (well, they would say that, wouldn't they?) Dr. Massey even prayed for me and gave me a 'word' about not leaving foundations unfinished. (I managed to discount this fairly quickly too). I talked to him and Dr. Moxon in depth, voicing my objections. How could I possibly expect Su to support me for another year? How could we afford it? Shouldn't I get a 'real' job and support my wife like a good husband? What about our plans to start a family in the not too distant future?
But it was too late. The seed had been sown. My quandary had begun. All summer I have prayed and thought and weighed up the pros and cons: I might never get this opportunity again, but what's it leading to? it's what God has given me a passion to do, but am I not being selfish? How can I put Su through the pressure of exams and essays again (when, believe me I'm not a nice person to be around), what on earth would su's dad say? what is God saying? SHOULDN'T I JUST GET A PROPER JOB? and on and on it went.
I applied for jobs that sounded interesting, where I would be expressing my pastoral heart and hopefully doing some good - the probation service, the Cyrenians (a homelessness organisation in Coventry), the refugee centre, but nothing came back. I didn't even qualify for dole!
I feel I have had a taste of what it must be like to be unemployed. I have felt depressed and useless. The indecision has been killing me. I was waiting for a clear 'Go for it!' or 'Don't do it!' from God, and nothing seemed to be clear.
Most people I talked to, reflected back to me that they thought it was in my heart to go back. It seemed the main objections were financial, and wanting to know that Su was happy with it.
To cut a long story short, I have decided to go back and finish off the degree. I don't know where the money's going to come from, but we're looking at it as an adventure in trusting God, we need to learn how to live on less money anyway. Having made the decision, I feel at peace, and I'm really excited about going back. Su has been amazing. As I tell her often, she is the best wife in the world, ever!

Lord, I thank you for helping me through this tricky time. I thank you for my wife and the way she supports me and puts up with me. I pray you'd help me to make the most of this year and that you'd reveal more of yourself to me. Make me wise,keep me humble, help me to pass on what I learn and guide me into the vocation you have for me, your grateful servant. Amen.

Time for a change

Had to pick a new template, 'cos it seems blogger have changed the way they store the archive files. Not entirely satisfied with it but it will give me a chance to try and get my head round css. I'm sure after playing about with it a bit it will look ok.

Oh dear, it seems to have lost my old comments. Anyone know how you can edit the archive template?

France

This year we spent our summer holiday in France, camping. For the last 5 years or so we have been down to Cornwall or Devon, which is probably my favourite part of the country. I love the rugged coastline, the waves crashing on the rocks, the surfing and the pasties + cream teas. However, it must be admitted, that the weather is somewhat changeable to say the least. So, in the hope of some sunshine, and for a bit of a change, we decided to head over to France.
After taking the ferry over to Calais, we took a 10 hour drive down to Royan, on the West Coast. The campsite we stayed at was really cool. We had a huge pitch, amongst the trees, and although it was definitely a family site, it wasn't too noisy.

It took me a while to wind down, and for the first few days I was in a totally foul mood (sorry su), but after a few cycle rides, some barbeques, some beach days and plenty of good French wine I was a bit more chilled. I loved the French attitude to food. Every meal is an occasion. At first it annoyed me that it was impossible even to get a simple lunch in under 2 hours, but when I got used to it, it was really nice to take time out and chat or just watch the world go by. In France, (at least where we were), everyone stops for lunch for at least 2 hours, even the lifeguards on the beach announced that they were off for lunch at 12, so could everyone be careful in the sea until 2.30! Once Su and I were cycling through a forest, in the middle of nowwhere, and we saw several couple and families sat eating lunch at the side of the path. They were sat up to tables with table cloths, full crockery and of course the obligatory bottle of wine.
I enjoyed cycling out in the mornings to get bread, croissants or pain chocolat with fresh orange juice for breakfast. Definitely a good way to start the day.

Cycling was fun. They're definitely more set up for it over there. Lots more cycle lanes, and the drivers are definitely more curteous towards cyclists than in England. To overtake they would often indicate and move out to the opposite lane. Several times when we were waiting at the side of the road, drivers slowed to a standstill to allow us to cross.

The other thing we did a lot of was wandering around old churches. From vast gothic cathedrals at Chartres and Orleans, to little 11th century Romanesque village churches and even one monolithic church entirely carved out of a rock by monks at a medieval town called St. Emilion. Fascinating stuff (well I thought so).

The surf wasn't up to much, so I'm still craving some waves, but other than that it was a great week. Lots of time to think and chat through the decision about college next year. Didn't actually decide until we got back, but that's for another blog.

Long Time No Blog

Well it's been about a month since I last blogged. Never been the most consistent of journal writers. I guess I haven't had much to say. I read quite a few blogs these days, and I'm constantly amazed at some people's ability to write thoughtful and interesting pieces on a regular basis. Of course there is a fair amount of people just linking to cool stuff that other people have linked to as well. Then there's the really open and honest personal reflections that some people write. I guess I've never really decided what I would like my blog to be centred on or why I write it.
I think it's mainly for my own benefit. As I don't really keep any other kind of diary, (I would like to, but have never been self disciplined enough), at the very least this blog is a very loose record of some of the stuff that's been going on in my life. I would like it to be an expression of some of the stuff I've been into, a mixture of the trivial and the profound. I don't really mind if anyone else reads it or not. Of course, it's always nice when a comment pops up and a bit of interaction takes place, but I don't want to fall into the trap of keeping a 'hit-count' or keeping a close eye on who's reading the blog.
I received some rather bizarre e-mails recently, which if I was being unkind seemed rather spam-like. They kind of said 'hey, really loved your blog. thanks for sharing your resources with the public. I've linked to you, would you like to to link back to me?'. Just seemed weird to me. Is this the way it works?
Anyway, here are some things I intend to blog about from the last month, if I get round to it - holiday in France, no longer sitting on the fence, diy and self-esteem, and a wet weekend in the lakes.

split personality

Read about these enneagram personality tests over at Jason Clarke's blog and thought I'd give it a go. I did the free trial one, and it came up with a joint top score.

Type Two
The Helper
The caring, interpersonal type. Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others. more here
Type Nine
The Peacemaker
The easy-going, self-effacing type. Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness. At their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts. more here

Seems scarily accurate from only 36 questions! I may have to do the full thing

Psalm 95

'Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song'

As one of the 'worship leaders' in Coventry Vineyard I spend quite a lot of time thinking about the nature of worship. In Coventry Vineyard one of our main aims is to 'Encourage people to worship God in their everyday lives'. We try and emphasise that everything we do in life can and should be an act of worship. As Graham Buxton says in his book Dancing in the Dark which I have been reading :
'The Christian life centres on relationship with God, from which flows all worship. In its most general sense, worship describes the whole of life. The word derives from the Anglo-Saxon word weorthscipe, which has to do with worthiness or respect.' So we want to live our lives in a way which ascribes worth to God our creator and redeemer. I absolutely believe this.

I do think there is a real problem when the word worship has become synonymous with the music and singing variety - as in 'The Best Worship Album in the World Ever'. I now constantly find I'm having to qualify what I'm talking about when it comes to worship. Instead of 'I'm a worship leader' it's 'I'm responsible for leading some of the musical forms of worship'. Instead of 'let's worship' (before a time of sung worship) it's 'Let's continue to worship God in the form of singing'.

I can understand how some have got sick of the worship=songfest equation and have given up on sung worship altogether. Perhaps this is necessary for a season, to redress an imbalance, emphasise worship as lifestyle and explore other expressions of worship. I think I would struggle with this in the long term, especially in view of scriptures like Psalm 95 above.
What I do have a problem with is when people say that sung worship is just singing some songs. It is no more just singing than praying is just talking. I also think it's a bit harsh to label Christians who enjoy and look forward to times of corporate sung worship as 'consumers' who are just looking to be entertained. I think this may be grossly unfair in many cases.

So how should we refer to those specific times when the church gathers for communal 'acts' of worship - praying, singing, shouting, dancing, bowing, kneeling, reading scripture, contemplation, liturgy, sacrament? I think I would still call them times of worship, but try and continue to emphasise that they should be a summing up, a bringing together, a celebration (or a lament) of our whole lives before God.

Face Your Fears

This film looks seriously good, if a tad scary! I don't reckon Su will be coming to watch it with me. UK release is August 20th I think.

Sitting on a Fence

Keep getting this Housemartins song running through my head at the moment :

Sitting on a fence is a man who sees no sense in fighting
Sitting on a fence is a man who sees no sense at all
Sitting on a fence is a man who strokes his twenty beards
Sitting on a fence is a man who only drinks real ale

But the real problem with this man
Is he says he can’t when he can
He’d rather not get his hands dirty
He’ll still be there when he’s thirty

I told myself to keep my mouth shut
But I still end up saying if and but
I lied to myself right from the start
And I’ve just worked out that I’m falling apart
Sitting on a fence

Sitting on a fence is a man who looks up to his guardian
Sitting on a fence is a man who swings from poll to poll
Sitting on a fence is a man who sees both sides of both sides
Sitting on a fence is a man who looks down on opinion

But the real problem with this man
Is he says he can’t when he can
He’s rather not get his hands dirty
He’ll still be there when he is thirty

I told myself to keep my mouth shut
But I still end up saying if and but
I lied to myself right from the start
And I’ve just worked out that I’m falling apart
Sitting on a fence

Spidergeek

Watched Spiderman 2 the other night. Now I'm not usually one for big blockbuster, franchise type movies, but I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this film, possibly more than the first one, although it does have some really cheesy moments. I know Peter Parker was always meant to be a bit of a dork, but I can't help thinking they overdid it a bit, I mean 'Sort it out, Spidey!'.
I liked the whole thing of being faced with an identity crisis, and losing his powers until he decided what he was supposed to be. He thought he had to choose between fighting justice and getting his dream girl. He tries to go for the dream but can't deny the 'hero' part of him. So he gives up on the dream to pursue his 'calling' and then ends up getting the girl anyway. Aah!
Now, yet again we are waiting for the 3rd film of the trilogy, or will there be more? Is it possible for Hollywood to make a one off movie anymore?

Plagiarism

Enjoyed this C.S. Lewis quote that I saw on Dr. Winn's blog so much that I just had to nick it.

“Everyone has warned me not to tell you what I am going to tell you…They all say “the ordinary reader does not want Theology; give him plain practical religion.” I have rejected their advice. I do not think the ordinary reader is such a fool. Theology means “the science of God,” and I think any man who wants to think about God at all would like to have the clearest and most accurate ideas about Him which are available. You are not children: why should you be treated like children?

“Theology is practical. Everyone reads, everyone hears things discussed. Consequently, if you do not listen to Theology, that will not mean that you have no ideas about God. It will mean that you have a lot of wrong ones—bad, muddled, out-of-date ideas. For a great many of the ideas about God which are trotted out as novelties today, are simply the ones which real Theologians tried centuries ago and rejected. To believe in the popular religion of modern England (or America) is retrogression—like believing the earth is flat” Mere Christianity, 135-136).

I often hear Christians question the validity of theology, 'but what's the point?, what's the application of that?' as if something that does not appear to have an immediate practical application is not worth knowing. Obviously there can be a danger of theologians sitting in their ivory towers inventing irrelevent problems for themselves to solve, but this is no excuse for not doing theology. I think it's Dallas Willard who says that one of the key requirements of leaders in the church is profundity or depth of insight. This can only come from serious thought on who God is and what he's called us to do.
I believe that the best theology should lead to worship - doxology, like when Paul says 'Oh the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord?..... For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory for ever! Amen'

wedding, church, walk, pub, Tozer, books, blah

Had a great time at Pete and Hayley's wedding on Saturday. I love the way everybody mucks in and helps to make everything come together. It was a privilege to be part of. On Sunday I visited Holy Trinity church for a change. Always nice to worship with a different congregation. In the afternoon we went walking in the Cotswolds, around Broadway, with Tom and Angie. Is there a more pleasant way to spend a Sunday afternoon? (Finished off with pub grub and a pint of course).

I've been reading some classic Tozer, The Pursuit of God which is always good after I've spent so much time with the academic books. That guy was a prophet, he was saying some of the things Dallas Willard is saying, only 50 odd years ago. Always fresh, challenging, inspiring. Here's one of his prayers I liked :

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul 'Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.' Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus' name. Amen

Bought some books last week, for the first time since college, which I 've been working my way through. Post-Christendom by Stuart Murray, which is fascinating, although all the way through I've been acutely aware that it is obviously from an Anabaptist viewpoint. I would like to read a review of this book by Tom Wright. The Journey of Desire by John Eldredge, I haven't got very far with this yet, althought it seems quite similar to his 'Wild at Heart' which I've read, all about being a passionate man, who does what's in his heart, what makes him come alive etc. This is all very nice, and quite inspiring, but I can't help agreeing with the Amazon reviewer who wrote 'The question naturally arises as to the "wayward" desire that lies within us and how it is to be controlled let alone differentiated from our true desires. While the answer isn't clear...." Maybe he will address this later in the book. One called With The Grain of the Universe by Stanley Hauerwas, which is pretty much inpenetrable so far, way over my head. May have to come back to this, and lastly At The Corner of East and Now by Frederica Mathewes-Green, which I thought might be a nice introduction to Eastern Orthodoxy, which I know virtually nothing about, but would like to.

Hoorah!

Todd Hunter has reentered the world of blog. I think this is great news as I really respect him as a very wise bloke. Lets see if he sticks to his plan to post several times a week, I know I can't.

More essays online

I have put nearly all my college essays online now. They are in pdf format. I found I could simply create the pdfs through the print option on Word without using any extra software, which was a lot easier than faffing with the html.

Visiting family

Spent most of the weekend visiting friends and family. Saturday we went to see Karl, Rachel and James. Baby James has chickenpox :(, but he's still smiling :), he's such a chilled out kid, it's amazing. Saturday evening we spent with Steve and Jo in Warwick. Steve and I got beat again by the girls at pictionary. This has got to stop, it's getting embarrasing. Trivial Pursuits next time I think, then we'll show them.

Yesterday was Aiden Randall's dedication up at South Liverpool Vineyard. It was such a good day. There is always a real sense of family when we go and spend time with those guys (Dave & Lorna et al). I love the way they are so open with their home and family. We learn a lot about life from them. When the church were praying for baby Aiden there was such a strong sense of God's presence and his favour, and there was also a deep love evident in the friends and family who were there.

Truffle Shuffle

This animated gif which I found via Eric Keck over at Allelon made me laugh out loud :



The Goonies! what a film.

We had a top weekend up in the Lake District to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary. Did loads of walking (bagged 8 peaks over the three days), and the weather was beautiful (for the most part). Just what I needed to clear my head a bit and get some perspective.
Had my 'graduation' ceremony last Thursday, which was kinda nice but a bit strange. Lots of people saying I should go back and finish the degree. Lots of praying still to do on this one.
Spending my days looking for jobs, sorting our house out a bit and waging full scale war on the ants which have decided to take up residence in our kitchen and bathroom

Essays online

I've started to put my college essays online. It's been taking ages 'cos msword seems to produce the crappiest, most bloated html ever, and it takes a bit of sorting out. Any feedback/comments greatly appreciated.

Results

Got my college results yesterday. I managed to get a 72.7% average over the year which obviously I'm really pleased about. In the exams which I was really stressed about I got 71% in Pauline theology, 72% in Christ and the Spirit and 67% in Joshua/Kings. Everyone else seemed to know that I would do well, but I wasn't so sure. The college principal Dr. Massey has been trying to get me to go back next year to complete the degree. (He says it would be a shame for someone of my calibre not to see it through). Whilst part of me would like to do this, I feel the need to get established in a job before we think about having kids. I originally only signed up for a year, so this year has been a bit of a bonus really. If I was to do another year it would have to be a God thing. (so you better shout Lord, 'cos I'm pretty hard of hearing).
I have a love/hate relationship with study. I love the reading, the research and the learning. I hate completing the essays (which usually happens in the early hours of the day they have to be in), I love the sense of satisfaction when they are handed in. I love getting my essays back and receiving feedback on them. I hate preparing for exams, but I actually enjoy sitting them (after the initial panic is over).
I feel the need to do some 'real' work though. I don't think it's healthy for me to spend too long 'in my own head'. I also need to take more opportunities to 'give out' the stuff I've taken in. And I need to learn to stop thinking sometimes.

Weekender

Had a great weekend, the first one for a while in which I have been able to relax properly. Went on a 36 mile bikeride on Saturday to a place called Draycote water near Rugby, which was good, but I was ready to come home after about 25. Must be out of practise. Went out for a friend's birthday meal on Saturday night at a place called Inspire in Coventry (It is actually in a spire). Sat next to someone called Ray who had an amazing ability to tell a funny story containing any 5 random words you gave him (eg balloon, Rolls Royce, pigeon, custard), quite a gift.
Yesterday afternoon, we went to the Godiva festival at the memorial park for a picnic and some servant outreach. We gave away several hundred drinks and chocolate bars in about 10 minutes flat, which was good fun while it lasted.
As for the football last night, well the less said about that the better I think :(

Jason Clarke has posted an interview he did with Todd Hunter about his move to Alpha USA which is quite interesting. I always thought that people who equated Alpha with old-school, bullet point presentations of the gospel (say this prayer, so that you go to heaven when you die), had either not done an Alpha course, or must have seen a really badly run one.

The Faithfulness of God

'Give thanks to the Lord, our God and King, His love endures forever'. We sang these words at church this morning, as we were looking at the whole idea of faithfulness. I love it when I can take my eyes off my own shaky, wobbly life and circumstances and focus on the absolutely unshakeable love and faithfulness of God.
Tom Wright argues that the major theme in the book of Romans is 'The righteousness of God'. He defines this righteousness as God's faithfulness to his covenant promises. These promises were made to Abraham in order to set the world to rights. Although Israel failed in the covenant task, God is faithful to the covenant plan. How has this covenant faithfulness, this righteousness of God, been revealed? Romans 3:21,22 says,
'But now, apart from the law, the righteousness of God has been disclosed, and is attested by the law and the prophets, the righteousness of God through the faithfulness of Jesus the Messiah.'
Although this has not been the traditional translation of this famous passage, it is a perfectly valid one, and perhaps the more likely. The 'climax of the covenant', God's plan to set the world to rights, has taken place in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus the Messiah. He is the faithful one. Forever. I do believe, Lord help me overcome my unbelief.

I is back! Ok so it's been a while. I've finished all my essays and exams now and I promised myself I'd start blogging again when they finished. I think the exams went ok, but I was quite unprepared for how nervous I would get, and how this would affect the rest of my life. The brain does funny things. I've found myself lying awake at night worrying about stuff - church, what job I'll get, everything, and all because of some stupid exams! I'm sure I've been a nightmare to live with (sorry su). I'm feeling a lot better now. I feel like the rest of my life can begin again.
As part of my preparation for my Pauline theology exam, I was dipping into Tom Wright's commentary on Roman's. It's awesome stuff. I was thinking of putting up little snippets from the 'reflections' sections but then I realised it would be a flagrant breach of copyright! Oh well, here is a recent interview he did for Christianity Today.
On a completely different subject this is very exciting.

And here is the little man himself - Mr. James John Sturtridge!

Too cute for words




Aah lurve him sooo much!! (Raising Arizona)

wow, what an eventful few days I've had. As I cycled into college on Wednesday morning, the predicted severe weather decided to turn up. I cycled along the canal towpath to Selly Oak in a blizzard. Managed to avoid falling off this time, but turned up to college looking like a snowman, and with an 'ice-cream' headache. As I sat trying to do my Hebrew test I couldn't help but stare out the window as the world turned white. Wow, this was proper snow, we never get proper snow these days. I was already kind of excited 'cos Rachel had phoned first thing in the morning to let us know her 'waters' had broken during the night, whatever they are, I'm sure she could get some new ones. Anyway, she seemed excited, so I was as well.
Su texted me 'cos she was worried I'd try and cycle back in the snow (as if!), so after college I decided to go round to Rachel's and wait for Su to come and pick me up after work.
Rachel had been having mild contractions on and off all morning but wasn't ready to go in yet. The snow stopped and started to melt pretty quickly. We spent the afternoon watching movies and listening to music. Later in the afternoon, it started to snow again, heavily. Rachel's contractions were getting stronger, but no more regular. By the evening she was getting really fed up and a bit teary. When was baby James going to arrive? It was difficult to see her in pain and so frustrated, we felt so helpless. But we prayed and waited, and Karl was a pillar of strength. Meanwhile poor old Su had got stuck in the now gridlocked Birmingham traffic. Dad was trying to get over from Coventry, and after being stuck on the Aston Expressway for 3 hours, decided to give up and turn round. Trust Rachel to go into labour on the worst traffic day in Birmingham's history. Su finally got to Rachel's by 10 o'clock, having left the office at 6.00. We all went to bed, but at 1 am Karl took Rachel into hospital with irregular but painful contractions.
The next morning I woke up with a migraine. Tried to go to lectures, but couldn't cope and had to leave early to go and lie down. Finally at 2.30pm we got the phonecall from Karl to say that baby James had arrived, both him and Rach were fine, although obviously knackered (and somewhat drugged up!). At around 4, we all went in to see them. James is amazing, at 8lbs13, he has quite a long body, perfect skin, punky hair and cute features. He has none of the new-born mankyness that I've seen with other babies, and he looks very tranquil and at peace with the world. Talk about joy coming out of pain!
It turns out that 5 women had babies in their cars stuck in traffic on the way to hospital! So in the end I guess James knew what he was doing by staying in as long as he did. God bless them all!

OK, so I'm supposed to have been keeping a weekly prayer journal type thing for one of my courses at college. In my ineptitude and crapness I think I've managed one entry so far this year. So I thought I'd maybe try and blog at least once a week and try and count that for my prayer journal. The course is called 'theology in action', but it is basically a discussion group where we are supposed to try and pull together all the different strands from the courses and apply them to our lives. I think its meant to be a sort of safety valve to make sure our heads aren't being screwed up by all the 'high filutin' theology we are studying.
For the discussions we are reading a book called 'To the Usual Suspects' by John Goldingay, each week we read a chapter which has a one word title on a different subject. This week was joy. As I reflected on the chapter, I realised that for the most part, I have been blessed with the gift of joy. I also realised that I quite often feel guilty for feeling joyful because I am aware of many people, some near to me, some not, who are in great pain and suffering. Somehow it is possible to experience joy and sorrow almost simultaneously. We are told to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn, and unless we don't know many people, these things must overlap. So I pray that God would continue to keep me joyful but make me sensitive enough to express compassion in practical ways to those who are suffering.

One of the highlights of 'The Story We Find Ourselves In' for me was this creedal poem - We Believe :

We believe that You created all things
In all their beauty and mystery.
We believe we broke the boundaries You gave
To keep this world in harmony.
We believe You called a family,
Blessing them to bless all families.
We believe You spoke and listened through sage
And prophet, priest and poet.
We believe.
We believe You walked among us in
Human flesh, to share our history.
We believe You reconciled us,
Upon a cross, brought hope from agony.
We believe You raised Jesus
From death to life, for our salvation.
We believe You send us out with saving love
For all creation.
We believe.
We believe Your Spirit dwells in us now
With power for life and mission.
We believe Your Spirit makes us one
In purpose, hope, and vision.
We believe You'll banish evil and fill the earth
With holy glory.
We believe You call all people to life
Forever in Your story.
We believe.

Well, that wasnt very soon was it? A 3 month blog gap. Like so many diaries I have attempted to start over the years and then given up before the end of January. To be honest I haven't had the time or the inclination. But as I've got a new toy I thought I'd have another bash.


Yes, I've seen the light and gone Apple, and so far I'm loving it. Spent about a week putting my entire CD collection onto the iBook and now I'm compiling playlists to my hearts content, a bedroom DJ's dream. (although I can't help feeling I've betrayed my vinyl collection).

College has been going well, although far too quickly. I have posted some of my essays in my iDisk, although it's only on a 60 day trial on .Mac so then I'll have to think again.

What else? Oh yeah, I got my new bike stolen from outside college on Tuesday afternoon which was a bit gutting, but thankfully it was covered under our house insurance. They have replaced the bike and all the fittings and it was delivered yesterday -2 days after the theft! amazing. I take back everything I ever said about insurance companies.

My sister Rachel is about to pop! She is due anyday now, and then I'll be Uncle Jon. Can't wait!

hello there, haven't blogged for ages. (mainly 'cos a strange german bloke has been living in my computer room) (sorry, Wil, you're not really strange. You and Anna are welcome to stay as long as you want). so what brings me back to the blogger? well, some amazing news. Only 10 days overdue, after a 24 hour labour, our good friends Lorna and Dave have had a baby boy! Baby Aiden (sp?), a mere! 9lbs 15oz, our first God-son, welcome to the world. Tres exciting.
What have I been up to? Well, had a fantastic week down in Cornwall. Had a birthday (thanx to all who came to Habibi, it was a great night). Started back at college. Had 17 people round for lunch on Sunday,.Fell off my bike this morning, twisting my knee and narrowly avoiding falling in the canal, oh well, these things happen. will blog more soon hopefully.

Started back at college this week after what seemed like an incredibly long summer break. I have really been looking forward to coming back this year and getting stuck back into some study.
I am really grateful to God that He has enabled me to take this time to study His word. I was originally only planning to do one year at BCC, but I enjoyed the 1st year so much, that I was keen to come back for more. God has provided abundantly to help with the course fees and our living costs. I am also so grateful to Su, without whom I could not have done what I'm doing now. Not only has she been working hard in a difficult job, but she has been constantly faithful in supporting me, encouraging me when I've been down and bearing with me when I've been tearing my hair out (eg when I'm finishing off an essay at 4 o' clock in the morning).
I have been so impressed with the lectures this week. There is a noticable increase in the level of study this year, which I relish.
Increasingly I am asking the Lord to give me wisdom and understanding, I have no interest in becoming 'Bible Answer Man', being able to quote chapter and verse on any given subject, but I do want to become more familiar with the whole biblical story, being shaped by the good news of our Lord Jesus Christ.

“Would you know who is the greatest saint in the world? It is not he who prays most or fasts most; it is not he who gives most alms or is most eminent for temperance, chastity or justice; but it is he who is always thankful to God, who wills everything that God wills, who receives everything as an instance of God’s goodness and has a heart always ready to praise God for it.” – William Law
Lord help me always to be thankful for who you are and everything you have given me, help me to want the same things that you want, and help me to recognise that every good and perfect gift comes from you.
There are so many things I have to be thankful for, for Dave and Lorna, who are expecting their first baby any week now. For Wil and Anna at church who are also expecting, and especially my sister Rachel who is due in January. I’m going to be an uncle! Also, my friend Tom from university is getting married in October. Father, I thank you for all these pieces of good news, I pray that you’ll be with all of these families, protect them and bless them in Jesus’ name. Amen

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 50's, 60's, 70's and 80's probably shouldn't have survived. Our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint, which was promptly chewed and licked. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans. When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip flops and fluorescent 'clackers' on our wheels. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the passenger seat was a treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle - tasted the same.We ate dripping sandwiches, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no one actually died from this. We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark.

No one was able to reach us all day and no-one minded. We did not have playstations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobilephones, no personal computers, no Internet chat rooms. We had friends - we went outside and found them. We played elastics and street rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt. We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits. They were accidents. We learnt not to do the same thing again. We had fights, punched each other hard and got black and blue - we learned to get over it. We walked to friend's homes. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate live stuff, and although we were told it would happen, we did not have very many eyes out, nor did the live stuff live inside us forever. We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood. Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them. Congratulations! Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as real kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.

I think I must be gettiing old. (I'll be 29 in October). Evidence for this is
1. I've been listening to Radio 4 for at least 3 years.
2. I was in a skate/surf type shop the other day and I was 'disgusted at the price of the t-shirts.
3. I can entirely relate to the following (above) :

'Take God seriously, but never take yourself seriously' - I liked this bit of advice (I think it was from Rick Warren, in a comment on emerging minister's blog) The problem is most of us do the exact opposite.

Serious lack of blogging for a while, so I'll try and catch up today. mmm, lets see, what have I been up to? Well I've been out cleaning chimneys with Colin twice now and I have to say I thoroughly enjoy it. It's nice to be out and about, meeting people and well, cleaning their chimneys. I've done about 8 so far and I'm going out all day tomorrow. After that I should be ok to go out on my own. Good honest work and the money's decent as well. Otherwise, I have been working in the bookshop the last couple of Saturdays and all last week, which I've also quite enjoyed (despite all the Jesus junk we have to sell). Read a 'Walk through the bible' by Leslie Newbiggen (note to self, read all of his work), an excellent overview of the whole biblical story, and also 'Responding to the challenge of evolution' by Kevin Logan, which was one of the best (short) introductions to the whole creation/evolution debate I have read.
I've even been doing some DIY (shock horror!). Managed to go to B&Q without getting depressed, and then replaced a drainpipe on the back of the house. It gave me a sense of enormous well-being. Next up, painting the downpipe, and replacing the roof on the lean-to. Man, I'm interesting.

What a cracking weekend. Another heatwave is upon us (must resist the temptation to grumble about the weather we had on holiday). Saturday, Su and I went for a bike ride to a village called Monk's Kirby, which turned out to be a lot further than we thought. Really nice to get away from the city. We stopped off at a pub in Brandon and read a chapter of Dallas Willard's 'Renovation of the Heart' over a pint. Tres cool.
Sunday morning we went down to Moods, for our 'chilled out church'. Met up with Will and Anna, Tom and Angie, Steve, Clare and baby Nathaniel and a lady called Marrione. Steve entertained us all by playing catch with Nathaniel (much to the consternation of his mother). Tom and Angie came back for lunch in the garden, then we prayed for about an hour about church stuff. Payed a visit to Will and Anna, then finished off the day in the garden.
Su is finding work really difficult at the moment. Lord, I pray that you will give her strength and encouragement today and give us wisdom regarding her job situation and my course. Amen.
I'm waiting for a phonecall to go out and get trained up in chimney sweeping! How bizzare is that? Chim-chiminee, chim-chiminee, chim chim cheree, a sweep is as lacky as lacky can be.

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I loved this 'Christian celebrity death match' thing between Dallas Willard and Len Sweet from the 'what is church?' blog. And who said Americans don't have a good sense of humour?

This blogspot advertising banner is getting quite amusing, it was just trying to sell me '28 days later' on DVD, after I talked about it the other day. Could turn into a little game. Let's see how good it is. Mmm, I wonder where I could get hold of copy of 'The Last of The Mohicans' on DVD.

Well, back to good old Coventry after a week or so in Devon. Had a great time, weather was pants though, a complete contrast to the heat wave the previous week when I was kicking my heels around the house.
The best part really was spending lots of time with Su. (He says, trying to redeem himself). No, I mean it. I heard a story on the radio about how loads of couples actually fall out on holiday. They spend all year not talking to each other, go on holiday, where there is nothing to do but talk, and then find they really can't stand each other. Thankfully, this is not the case for Su and I, and I think we both came away feeling a lot closer. (I know, get the vomit bucket.)
Despite the bad weather, we made the most of it. One day Su and I cycled to Woolacombe, from West Down where we were staying. When we set off, it was only slightly raining. Spitting, you might say. As we went on, it got heavier, and heavier. We carried on, getting wetter, and wetter, as the rain turned into a torrential downpour. Chucking it down. We got soaked to the skin. It was fantastic. The route was nearly all downhill to Woolacombe. and I went fast. When we got there I sat on the rocks for two hours, taunting the sea as the tide came in. After almost catching pneumonia, we sat in mum and dad's car and had a picnic. (sitting in a car, eating lunch in the pouring rain, reminds me of sooo many family holidays when we were young) Thankfully we were able to put the bikes back on the car to go back up the hill.

I enjoyed the surfing, well, body boarding, immensely. I was thinking about why I love this so much, and snowboarding too. Well, apart from being an adrenaline junky, I think it is something to do with cooperating with something that is much more powerful than you are.Whether it's waves, or a big snowy mountain, gravity and a slippy bit of wood. Just putting yourself in the right place at the right time, pushing off and holding on. On the edge of loosing it. (and frequently doing so). You are not in control, you're just cooperating. This is how life with God should be. There is this guy who just did a skydive across the channel. He went from 30000 ft, freefalling (flying) for six minutes, reaching speeds of 220 mph. The whole thing took 14 minutes. How cool is that? Su! I've got a new hobby!

Well, tomorrow we're off down to Devon for a weeks holiday. We're staying at my brother in law Karl's sister's house, with Rachel, Karl, mum and dad. This will be the first year since we've been married that we havn't been to Cornwall, but Devon is just as nice. Can't wait.

10 best things about going on holiday:

1. Not working

2. Surfing

3. Barbeques and Beer on the Beach

4. Spending all day, everyday with Su

5. Long Walks

6. Sunsets

7. Sitting on the rocks watching the waves crash at your feet

8. Eating out.

9. Finding new places

10. Bike rides

5 worst things :

1. Packing

2. Traffic

3. Rain

4. Packing to come home

5. Coming home

Su has been away tonight. Although I miss her dreadfully, obviously, it does give me a chance to watch a dvd that she wouldn't like. So this evening I watched '28 Days Later'. From the director of Trainspotting and The Beach, Danny Boyle, it is essentially an update of the zombie genre. A Night of the Living Dead for the noughties. Britain has been devastated by a disease which turns people into flesh-eating monsters in seconds. It was pretty good. Lots of suspense, atmosphere, intriguing plot, great cinematography. Fascinating to see scenes of London and the M1 completely deserted. Why is it that I can watch stuff like this and just find it entertaining, whereas my wife would be scared witless, horrified by nightmares for weeks afterwards? Am I wrong to enjoy movies like this? Does this mean I have become desensitized. Hard hearted by years of exposure to senseless violence? Or does it just mean I am not a girl?

Quite liked this C.S. Lewis quote I read earlier about other religions :

'If you are a Christian, you do not have to believe that all the other religions are simply wrong all through. If you are an atheist, you do have to believe that the main point in all the religions of the whole world is simply one huge mistake. If you are a Christian, you are free to think that all these religions,even the queerest ones, contain at least some hint of the truth. When I was an atheist, I had to try to persuade myself that most of the human race have always been wrong about the question that mattered to them most; when I became a Christian, I was able to take a more liberal view. But, of course, being a Christian does mean thinking that where Christianity differs from other religions, Christianity is right and they are wrong. As in arithmetic-there is only one right answer to a sum, and all other answers are wrong: but some of the wrong answers are much nearer being right than others.

man, it's hot outside! Yes I've finished college, and finished all my essays, hoorah.
I will try and blog a bit more now. I've been reading some of real live preacher's blog. That guy is an amazing writer, everything he writes is interesting. I' d love to be able to write like that, rather than 'er.. today I went to the shops, and then I er.. came home again.'

The last few weeks have felt pretty hectic. I think I've been doing too much thinking. There have been times when I've felt so low and I couldn't explain why. Su has been so supportive. She really is amazing. She works so hard in a difficult job, and has me to deal with as well. She is much stronger than she realizes.

Spent this weekend down at Su's dad's. This is always nice and relaxing but also a bit weird 'cos I never know quite what to say to them. Managed to mess up quite spectacularly on Sunday night before we came home.

mess up no. 1 : spilt a full glass of red wine all over their new garden furniture. (no I wasn't drunk)

mess up no. 2 : whilst playing swingball with Chris (su's little brother, age 9), managed to thwack it full pelt into his face, oops. He cried like a baby.
I'll get my coat, I said.

Oh well, I've done worse.

Found a friend's web site with loads of photos on. This guy was in Banff for the season when we went out there snowboarding in Feb. He's now in New Zealand. Jammy git. Anyway, I'll blog more later, as Su is out all evening on a work's do, lucky girl.

O Thou who camest from above,
the pure celestial fire to impart
kindle a flame of sacred love
upon the mean altar of my heart.


There let it for thy glory burn
with inextinguishable blaze,
and trembling to its source return,
in humble prayer and fervent praise.


Jesus, confirm my heart's desire
to work and speak and think for thee;
still let me guard the holy fire,
and still stir up thy gift in me.


Ready for all thy perfect will,
my acts of faith and love repeat,
till death thy endless mercies seal,
and make my sacrifice complete.


Charles Wesley 1762

ouch, my head hurts.Just finished essay no. 3 out of 5, about 'evangelism' in the book of Acts. I think my information intake level is far exceeding my brains ability to process it. Basically, I read too much. I think I may even be addicted to it. I suppose there are worse addictions, but still. Currently on the go are (some of these are even to do with my course) :

The Cost of Discipleship - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

What is Mission? - J. Andrew Kirk

Evangelism in the Early Church - Michael Green

Beyond Tithing - Stuart Murray

Houses That Change the World - Wolfgang Simson

God of The Poor - Dewi Hughes

Rich Christians in An Age of Hunger - Ronald J. Sider

The Resurrection of the Son of God - N.T.Wright

Stupid White Men - Michael Moore

Now, most of these books are pretty devestating in their own right. Taken together they are a recipe for a full on breakdown. I think I may need to calm down before my brain explodes. Maybe I should get out more! oh, I nearly forgot - The Purpose Drivel (tm) Life. I have to agree with Greg Adkins about this one - it kinda bugs me.

I like it when I read old books and find stuff which foreshadows what other people are saying today.This happens a lot with people like Tozer. Here's a couple I've come across in the last couple of days:

Heres Dietrich Bonhoeffer, writing in 1937- The Cost of Discipleship, but it could be Dallas Willard -

'Discipleship means adherence to Christ, and, because Christ is the object of that adherence, it must take the form of discipleship. An abstract Christology, a doctrinal system, a general religious knowledge on the subject of grace or on the forgiveness of sins, render discipleship superfluous, and in fact they positively exclude any idea of discipleship whatever, and are essentially inimical to the whole conception of following Christ. With an abstract idea it is possible to enter into a relation of formal knowledge, to become enthusiastic about it, and perhaps even put it into practice; but it can never be followed in personal obedience. Christianity without the living Christ is inevitably Christianity without discipleship, and Christianity without discipleship is always Christianity without Christ.'

Duncan Campbell -1956 'I want to say reverently and humbly that for me the greatest reality, the greatest fact in life is just the presence of the Lord Jesus.And I love Him; that to me is greater than preaching, it is greater than seeing revival...the greatest thing of all is just to have fellowship with Jesus'

Lord Jesus, I want to be able to say that too, and mean it. Amen

OK, what have I been up to for the last few days? Well towards the end of last week I was getting a bit anxious. I think it was mainly 'cos of these essays I have to do. It's crazy, I've been given this opportunity to study what I'm most interested in, and yet I still moan about the work I have to do. I guess at the bottom of it all is the fact that I'm just plain lazy. I think I inherited it. It seems a bit unfair. I mean, people get all kinds of special treatment for various problems, dyslexia, short sightedness, work related stress, but us lazy people are made to feel guilty. I didn't ask to be lazy, I was born that way. It is only through tremendous self-sacrifice and perseverence in the face of adversity that I am able to get up in the morning and function on a semi-normal level. what? ok, enough whinging

Friday evening we had our worship and prayer evening. There was only a select few of us but it was a good time of really meeting with God. We used the Lord's prayer for a structure and we had one of the best prayer times I can remember for ages. Jesus knew what He was talking about.

Saturday, I played football in Birmingham with our college team against South Birmingham Evangelical church. It was probably the best game we've played, but we got killed (7-3). I really enjoyed it though, scored a couple of goals. I love the way when you're playing football you can just switch off for 90 minutes and nothing else matters except the game. Relaxing in a knackering kind of way.

Our Sunday morning gathering at Moods was nice. Got to pray with a guy who wandered in off the street which kind of makes it all worthwhile.
Rachel came over on Sunday afternoon and yesterday we went for a day's walking in the Peak District which was great once we got away from the bank holiday traffic. So it was a great long weekend all in all, but now I REALLY need to knuckle down to some work.

Need to blog more! Housegroup was cool tonight, Su Clay was back from her O.T. placement. It was great to see her. Bert brought his friend Caroline along which was cool. Talked about Dying to Live, following on from Nick's talk on Sunday. At least we starting off talking about that then moved onto building genuine friendships with non-Christians, sorry, people who aren't yet following Jesus. It seems like lots of people feel they have nothing they can talk about with people or nothing in common and the frustration of smalltalk.
I think we need to focus on this a lot more. How to have common interests and build genuine relationships with people.
I have so much in my head at the moment. 5 essays to write. At least 3 of them have to be in in just over 2 weeks time. I find when I am stressing about 1 thing that I stress about everything else too. Church stuff. Job stuff. Future stuff. I constantly need to remind my self to hand everything back to God. I am asking God to make me delight in Him more than anything else in life.

Well, I did my preach at Beeches Evangelical church this morning. Seemed to go ok, I was probably the most nervous I've been about any talk I've done for some reason, but God really helped me when I was up there. For the childrens story I did an updated version of the prodigal son which Su helped me write, gave out balloons, party balloons and lollipops which went down well. The church was about as far removed from Coventry Vineyard as can be, ex-brethren v. conservative evangelical. We actually sang 'All Things Bright and Beautiful'. Probably the first time I'd sang that since school. They were very welcoming and v. kind about what I said (and generous too). Didn't rock the boat too much, although I did talk about how the Father lost all sense of respectability and dignity and breaking with tradition in order to run out to the lost son. And I talked about prostititutes quite a lot. (to the adults this is, not the kids!).
This afternoon was another BBQ in the park which was good fun. I love hanging out, BBQing, playing aerobie and football.
Then we had explore the bible this evening where we are continuing to read through Acts. Amazing stuff. I love the prayer of the disciples in Acts 4:24-30. v.powerful. This week as a community here at Coventry Vineyard we are agreeing to spend half an hour each day in prayer. God seems to be speaking to loads of people about prayer at the moment. Found out that, quite independantly of each other, Nick and Andrew McNeil were speaking about prayer this morning, using the Lord's prayer model. And the church I spoke at this morning did it last week. Anyway, must go to bed now. Goodnight.

wow! 2 weeks have gone past since I last blogged here. what have I been up to? Well last week I managed to play football 3 times which was cool. Wednesday, 6 of us from college played 3 a side on half a full size pitch for an hour. Just when we were about to die, we got challenged to a game by 6 local lads (schoolboys). We got slaughtered. v. embarrassing. after 25 minutes we made our excuses and left. Thursday was 5-a-side with the Marconi boys, always a pleasure. Saturday, our college team played against a team from one of the Birmingham churches which consisted of boys and girls average age 12. We only just won. And we felt good about beating them. How sad are we?
Friday night went out to dinner at Steve and Siobhans, (with Neil and Mikey B) too. These are the guys we went snowboarding with. lovely people. Saturday night we went to a party at Steve and Jo's, for Jo's birthday. Met some friends of their's Al and Emma who are Christians. Al organises hip-hop nights in Leamington and Brum. v. funky.
I have a 'preaching engagement' on Sunday @ a little evangelical church in Birmingham. I have to do a half hour sermon and a ten minutes children's talk (yikes!). They'd best get the brushwood and matches ready. Major prayer needed.

First day back at college today after the Easter holidays. I can't believe it's the summer term already! this year is flying past. Had Jonathan Bentley this morning for our 'evangelism' module. I think it's going to be a good course, very encouraging. Talked about the importance of our inner life for being a faithful witness. Thought these questions were good for accountability type stuff

Am I content with who I'm becoming?

Am I becoming less religious and more spiritual?

Does my family recognise my spiritual growth?

Do I have a 'flow through' attitude? i.e. am I being generous with what I've been given, or am I storing it up like a reservoir

Do I have a quiet centre to my life?

Have I found my "because"?

Is my prayer life improving?

Have I maintained a genuine awe of God?

Is God bigger in my life than He was last year?

Am I feeding on the right spiritual diet?

Do I have joy?

definitely food for thought.

I am wondering if I should keep a more private journal or just stick with this one.

Went to the Easter Holy Communion service at the local Anglican church in Yately. It was awesome. Really alive, moving and meaningful. (We were warned by 3 different people before the service that we would probably have prefered the previous 'family' service as it was less 'traditional', but we loved the one that we went to). Its amazing how embedded the consumerist idea of church-going is, we just felt it was a real privilege to worship with them.

Found this guy - Greg Adkins or 'emerging minister' via Steve Sparrow's blog. What an amazing blog! Made me laugh out loud several times and was also very inspiring. Looks like they are doing some really interesting stuff. Hope he doesn't mind me putting a link to his blog here.

It's been a few days since I blogged. (on this one anyway). I need to be more disciplined in the time I spend blogging. I want to do it regularly, but I don't want to spend too much time on it, neglecting Su and other stuff. (Su has gone out to a 'ladies night' tonight so I can get away with it). I am supposed to be writing my Galatians essay though!

So what have I been up to?
Well, I've done a few days in Wesley Owen. Spent Saturday morning pricing up 8 boxes worth of bibles for a promotion they are doing in May. I know it's vital to have a variety of translations and stuff, but with some of the study bibles they are producing the publishers are blatantly taking the pee. I mean 'T.D.Jakes 'Woman Thou Art Loosed'(Tm) NKJV study bible - get real! Blatant marketing exercises. Talk about peddling the word of God for profit.

Oh, and on Saturday somebody nearly started a fight with me! There I was, sat by the cathedral in Brum, reading and eating my lunch, when some bloke walked past, leaned over and made a wierd noise in my face like 'Kiighrghr', like he was going to spit or puke or something. So obviously I looked/stared at him as he went past. Then he started shouting 'Wot u lookin' at ?' etc and came up to me and asked if he wanted to fight him. I politely declined. 'No, I don't want to fight you, I just wondered why you pretended to puke on me' I said. He carried on shouting and making insults etc then walked off. As he did so, I must confess I laughed at him. Then he came back and ranted some more before storming off, almost bumping into an old man on the way (whom he also started with - 'do u wanna fight me, old man?' etc.
I carried on reading my book and enjoying the sunshine.

What annoyed me was my internal reaction, I let him rile me. I wanted to rip his head off. I wanted to tell him what a sad little loser he was that he need to pick fights with random strangers in order to boost his self esteem. Hardly 'forgive him, he knows not what he does'. I remember David Wilkerson in 'The Cross and the Switchblade', he said to the knife-wielding gangsters "You can cut me up into a thousand little pieces and everyone will scream 'I love you'". or something. Well, I felt like saying to this guy, you can kick my head in, and beat me 'til I'm black and blue and every part of me will still scream 'YOU LOSER!'

test of Christ-like character? FAILED, I need serious heart renovation. how can we demonstrate Christ's blessing of those who persecute us if we can't bless those who p*ss us off?

Some more Wright stuff:

Wright said, "I would like to be instrumental. At the moment, a great many devout Christians do not believe that anything good can come out of serious, academic, historical study. They just don't believe it. Their seminary gave them plenty of evidence that these guys have got their heads in the clouds, or their heads in the sand, or both, and that the real world is different. I struggle to show again and again that when you really do business with the Bible at the fullest historical and theological level, then it is passionately and dramatically relevant, life changing, and community changing. And I suppose I would like to kick-start a biblical renewal within the church—not simply a renewal of private piety, though God knows if you got the sort of renewal I am talking about, it would drive people to their knees, it would fill their hearts with joy, it would challenge them at every possible level.

"Far too many people, especially within evangelicalism, think that the individual is all that matters, and that the corporate dimension is a distraction or diversion. Of course Christianity is deeply personal for every single Christian; nobody gets lost in the kingdom of God. But you can't play that off against the corporate dimension. If you get the corporate right, you get the personal thrown in."

This holiday is going way too fast. Three weeks sounded like ages, but it's half way through already. I need to get cracking on my essay. Monday I went round to Nick's again in the morning. Spent the afternoon finishing off the fence and giving our conifer tree a serious haircut. Went down to Moods and met up with Nick, Rich, Beccy and Andy, played cards.

Yesterday I spent most of the day trying to research for my essay -'What was the "Galatian crisis" and why did it matter so much to Paul?". I love Galatians, Paul in angry mode. I've decided to take this opportunity to get my head round the so-called 'New Perspective' on Paul. Good web page on it all here. Basically, it revolves around what Paul meant by 'justification' and 'works of the law'. I may try and summarise this at some point.Gave me an excuse to read loads of N.T. Wright stuff, he really is an amazing scholar, and a Godly man, and he's going to be the new bishop of Durham, hoorah! I am realising that I absolutely, positively, unapologetically love theology, especially New Testament stuff. Now, obviously I don't just want a bunch of head knowledge which makes no difference to my life or other peoples, but equally I don't want to use that as an excuse for not thinking seriously about this stuff. I want to be able to understand profoundly in order to be able to explain simply, and that means serious historical/theological study. As Tom Wright would say, we are not at liberty to invent who Jesus or Paul were, or what they meant or what their aims were. I want to know Jesus the Messiah, the first century Jew who is the same yesterday, today and forever, not some icon that myself or my tradition has made up. It is by knowing the real Jesus that we know what God is like.And that's what I want, so help me Lord!. (amen brother).

So there we are, good theology should always lead to worship.

Another great Sunday, life seems to be good at the moment. Coventry Vineyard at Moods was cool this morning. It felt like people were starting to worship. I hope it blessed God's heart. Nick was talking about talking with God. It really spoke to me. We all seem to at the same point recently. Realising that we need so much more of God and trying to figure out practical ways of being with Him.

Mum and Dad came round this afternoon for a cup of tea and we did some praying as well.
Watched 'About a Boy' this evening, What a brilliant film. Hugh Grant in non-bumbling mode.Lots of stuff about fatherhood and family and community and stuff.

Spent a lovely evening with Tom and Angie. Walked to the local park and played Aerobie. Came home and chatted and prayed about housegroup. It was cool to spend time with them, They have such a heart for God. I pray that we would be able to help them grow in Him as part of our community.

This afternoon we went to B&Q and it made me physically depressed. I don't know why it has that affect on me. I had to go and sit in the car. I felt bad 'cos I know Su loves to go round the garden centre. I guess its cos I know how bad I am at DIY and stuff. Came home and spent the rest of the afternoon staining the garden fence, whilst Su cleared out the lean-to, (accompanied by periodic screams as she discovered big spiders lurking in there.)

PEACE, goodnight.

Worked at Wesley Owen today. I kind of like working there, but it kind of winds me up as well. So many of the books they sell are just junk IMHO. They sell good stuff as well but there are so many 'The secret to a successful life/ministry/whatever books. Just confess this daily and shout at the devil and you'll be free and liviin' in victory type stuff. Oh well, people have gotta make a living I suppose.

There was a bomb scare in Birmingham today. The police cordened off several streets and evacuated the shops. We were told to stay put and keep away from the windows while they did some controlled explosions on a car. The 2 customers in the shop had to stay in the shop for 2 hours. We made them tea. At least they had plenty of reading material. The Prayer of Jabez for People Caught in a Bomb Scare?

Tired now so I'm off to bed, good night.

Had a good couple of days. Got lots of reading done, which has been nice. Yesterday I cycled into town, (in the rain this time though). Went to the cathedral to pray for Iraq. Turned out not to be as serene as I'd hoped. At least 2 parties of noisy schoolkids. Spent most of the afternoon in Moods, reading 'A New Kind of Christian' which Nick has lent me. I haven't hardly been able to put it down since Monday. It is very well written, and I'm surprised how much of the stuff I'm already on board with. I'll try and formulate some more thoughts at some point.

Last night was down at 'The Meeting Place', the drop in meal thing at the Sally Army that we have been helping out at. There are some wonderful people down there. Some wonderfully screwed up people as well. I always find going down there exciting, stimulating, scary and heartbreaking all at once. I should never complain ever again about anything in my life, but I will.

Met up with a friend, Jon, a Lebanese guy.He was buying all kinds of wonderful gifts for his wife's birthday which is tomorrow. I swear middle-eastern people know something about generosity and passion that I need to learn.

This evening as I was walking into town I started to get a bit anxious about job type stuff. This is the main thing I'm praying about at the moment. Whether to do another year at bible college, what to do if I don't, what to do over the summer if I do. I know God is putting things in my heart, but there's still a lot of out-working to do. Anyway, this was all buzzing round my head 'til I got to Moods where our housegroup was s'posed to be meeting up tonight ('cept it was shut), Just then, I bumped into Ghislain, a guy from Burundi who I'd met the first day he arrived in this country to seek asylum. That day he didn't know where Coventry was in England. He spoke v. little english and wasn't really sure how to claim asylum. I managed to get him a solicitor and somewhere to stay via the refugee council. It was so cool to see him. Turn's out he's been granted Indefinite Leave to Remain, has got engaged to a lovely Christian (also from Burundi) and he's applied to do law at Cov .Uni. Seeing him lifted me right up. Thank you Lord.

Su is away tonight, which is probably why I'm still up. anyway 'nuff ramblings for tonight.

Yesterday was beautiful. Cycled round to Nick's in the morning, chatted about church stuff and prayed. Spent the afternoon reading and trying to sort out the blog. Then last night a few of us piled round to Nick and Vicki's again to watch a DVD - Reign of Fire. Now there's an abismally poor/cheesy film if ever I saw one. Still, it was nice to see people.

I was thinking about going down to the Cathedral to do some praying. I pop in there now and again and I do find it helpful. Its a bit wierd 'cos they always think that you're going to be a tourist and try and give you a little guide book (and to put some money in, of course). When you say you've come in to pray they look a bit shocked.

God has been challenging/inspiring me and Su about praying recently. Usually, whenever I feel a bit guilty about praying, I read a book on prayer to try and sort it out, and then forget to pray. But this time I read a simple little book by Bill Hybels,Too Busy Not to Pray, and it's really cool. So we're 'training not trying' to pray more, as individuals and as a couple, and that's also what inspired me to write this journal. I know I need so much more of God. I need His wisdom and His guidance. So help me Lord!